Kingdom Principles Teaching Series, #645
Subject: A Time for Healing, Part 1
Theme verse: Confess your faults to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. James 5:16
[Monday, May 31, 2010. In Father’s quest in taking us deeper in preparation for lifting us higher there will be unplanned bends in the road, diversions along the path which lead to our ultimate destination.
This sharing is one such bend and diversion, unexpected yet very much needed for myriad reasons.
Father always knows best. In true submission and trust, we must be willing to be open and vulnerable in hopes that our vulnerability and honesty will help someone become all that they can be for Christ. JH]
A Time for Healing, Part 1.
Hi. My name is Janet and I am a sex addict – in recovery. [Since 2007]
That’s right. That’s what I said… I am a sex addict in recovery. If I can recover, so can you. You can!
Why am I sharing this with you? Because I need to. There are literally thousands of pastors and leaders (and others) in the Body of Christ who suffer with this form of addiction. Before we can move forward in power and glory we, the Body, must first be healed. No stones; only grace, compassion and agapé love.
What is my purpose for doing this? To inform the pastors and leaders and others that you are not the only ones who suffer with this and that you are not alone. Many believers live with the heavy weight and carry the shame and despair associated with this addiction. You are not carrying the weight, the shame and the despair alone. We are carrying it with you. We are one. We bear each other’s burdens.
What is my goal for sharing this information? Many of us have been where you are now. We by the
grace of the Father and with much sacrifice and hard work have overcome this addiction. Those of us in recovery know how you feel because we have been there. We know what you feel because we have felt it. We know what you are doing because we have done it. We know what you are going through because we went through it. It truly takes one to know and understand. We understand. We feel your pain and we understand your frustration. You will defeat and overcome this. You will! And we are here for you 24/7.
How can I blatantly reveal my secret to you? It’s time. I can because there is no more shame. It took me years to be able to share this. Actually, this is my “coming out proclamation”. After much healing I can proclaim to the whole world that I am a sex addict in recovery without any shame of what I used to be.
My goal is to help anyone, especially pastors and leaders who truly want help in their healing and recovery journey to be able to reach out to someone who has been there, someone who understands what you are going through. Many of you want and need help in your healing and recovery journey. Help is available
What’s next? Please know that you are not alone. Please do not be afraid to take the first step. Reach out to accept help from someone. Know that many of us understand your tests, trials and battles. Recovery is a journey. We understand when you attempt to overcome but sometimes fall short. You can lean on us. We understand your anger, pain, frustration and shame. We will not turn away from you, we will not walk away from you and we will not reject you. We understand! The blood is working. Agapé love never fails.
We are here for you. We are praying for you. And we agapé love you… No Matter What You Do… J
[Installment #1 with more to follow.]
Spoken by the Father, Monday, May 31, 2010
Completed Monday, May 31, 2010
#Transcribed by Janet Henderson
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Kingdom Principles Teaching Series, #646-A
Subject: A Time for Healing, Part 2
Theme verse: Confess your faults to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.
James 5:16
[Monday, June 13, 2010. After sending the last sharing (#645, “A Time for Healing, Part 1,” dated May 31, 2010, during which I revealed that I am a sex addict in recovery), Father began teaching me some common traits among leaders who battle sexual addiction. The purpose of this sharing is to (1) share what I learned;
(2) with the goal of helping those in this predicament better understand what is happening from a spiritual perspective; (3) help others see some of the effects this is having on their life and ministry; (4) offer hope for recovery; and (5) motivate those who need help to get and/or accept the help they need. Change is possible
but each person must be honest, must want to change and must put forth the effort to change. JH]
A Time for Healing, Part 2. Sexual Addiction, Healing and Some Lessons Learned.
1. When pastors or other leaders battle a current or active sexual addiction or other type(s) of sexual sin the primary motivating factor in their life will be fear, not faith. The fear of being exposed is powerful. Father already knows. Father knows everything and He still loves you. Father’s agapé love never fails.
2. What may appear through the natural eyes to be inflexibility or hardness may actually be extreme fear. The fear will have such a vice grip on their life until they are nearly immobile. It may not be a specific fear but a generalized fear of making any move one way or another. Being afraid to make a move in a positive direction, they remain stuck in the negative. They are stuck on the non merry-go-round, cemented in the spiritual quagmire of fear and they don’t know how to get free. The devil is a liar! You can be set free.
3. Fear is the enemy’s stranglehold. We cannot defeat the enemy when we are bound by the death grip of fear. How do you break free from the spiritual quagmire of fear? Begin by being honest with yourself and others. Confront the sexual addiction. Deal with it so you can defeat it. Become sexually pure and spiritually whole.
4. Sexual immorality is a form of spiritual idolatry. The enemy knows this. Just as Father knows the end from the beginning in all things, the enemy knows the ending from the beginning where unrighteousness and sexual sin are involved. The enemy created all darkness. He knows how each type of darkness works. He is their root cause. He knows the harm and damage they can inflict, and he knows their side effects. So does the Father. That’s why Father tells us to stay away from unrighteousness and sexual sins. All sin is sin but sexual sins have a different type of “spiritual side effect”. Sexual sins violate the very core of who
we are as spirit beings since we are the house of the spirit of the Lord. Sexual sins contaminate the “temple.”
5. Sexual addiction will throw off your spiritual equilibrium. Someone battling a sexual addiction is involved in compulsive behavior. “Just say no” doesn’t work with addictive behavior. By grace, during recovery we learn how to yield to the authority and power of the Holy Spirit while Father’s agapé love purifies, heals and restores us. Isaiah 1:25-26; 2 Tim. 2. Then we learn how to live out “no”. Sex addiction is a spirit thing. Recovery is an agapé love thing, a greater power spirit thing. It’s grace, mercy and forgiveness. The blood is still working.
6. The fears associated with the sex addiction will breed confusion, spiritual and emotional constipation, angst, self-protection, pride, anxiety, self-promotion, major depression, and for some suicidal thoughts. There will be loss in varying forms and degrees. Spiritually, many will lose aspects and degrees of their anointing. This is one of the most devastating effects of sexual addiction. Without the anointing we can do nothing. We become unproductive, nonproductive and counterproductive, spinning our wheels attempting to look good but not accomplishing anything.
Deception. What defeats deception? Honesty. Being honest with ourselves, with Father and with others is the place to begin. Being honest about the sexual sin and/or the addiction is the beginning of the healing process. Being honest, open and vulnerable are vital to remaining clean.
7. Admitting that you can’t stop on your own is a major step. This also stops the deception and the pride. Pride will keep the addicted person addicted and in bondage. Admit that you need help, then get some help. Admitting that you need help and accepting help takes courage. Father’s grace is more than enough.
8. A pastor or leader may teach the Word but if they have sexual sin in their life or if they are battling an active sexual addiction, the power, strength and anointing of the taught Word will be minimized. This also applies when someone is addicted to Internet pornography. Plus, someone may add filter software to their computer or remove the computer from their home but this is not enough when battling a sexual addiction. Removing the computer from the home is a physical act but sex addiction is a spiritual issue. This person still needs to confront and deal with the root causes of their addiction. Removing the computer from the home
is a forward step but it isn’t recovery. That’s like putting a band-aid on a flowing gusher. The flow of the gusher needs to be stopped at its source which… It Is Spirit. We defeat spirit with spirit. We defeat darkness with light. We uproot and destroy dark spirit power by a greater light spirit power. Agapé love kills the root.
9. Many people who are battling a sexual addiction will do anything and everything in their power to avoid any type of conflict. Why? It’s because they are already living with extreme internal conflict. Internally they are torn apart, wanting to do right and trying to do right but are unable to do right. They blame themselves
but the cause is spiritual. They are embarrassed, guilt-ridden, ashamed, depressed, fearful, in gross pain and are self-condemned. They beat themselves up and the enemy is beating them up. Because of their internal wars they will not add to their drama by getting involved with external wars. What may appear to others as cowardice, by not getting involved with any conflict, may actually be their attempt to have some semblance of control in their out-of-control life. Emotionally they can’t handle much more. No peace; every day is a battle. [Father knows the end from the beginning. Father will have us intercede for each other as it pleases Him.]
10. When they are talked to about their lack of motion and movement toward fixing the wrongs which exist, this can become a double whammy. Remember, their perspective is somewhat skewed. What is an attempt to motivate them to make some type of movement in the right direction they may perceive as a criticism of them. Others want them to make a decision, one way or another, which they have difficulty doing because of their internal conflicts. Pressure. This person is immovable, stuck in neutral. They feel badly about their lack of movement and the enemy taunts them over it. Accusation and more pressure. This may explain why so many pastors and leaders are walking away from their calling and ministry. Father’s grace is ALWAYS enough.
I can’t help but wonder how many leaders have walked away from the ministry because they suffered with an unrecognized, undiagnosed and untreated sexual addiction. They were too embarrassed to say anything for fear of being rejected by or evicted from their ministry or church. They were too ashamed to admit that they needed help. They were too afraid to ask for help so they just walked away. I believe the Body of Christ has developed in agapé love to the point (as least a large portion has) where we can accept each other, forgive each other and we can still love each other with Father’s agapé love… No Matter What We Do… We can.
11. For the leaders who battle sexual addiction, Jesus has already carried your/our sexual addiction to the cross. Your deliverance, recovery and healing was bought and paid for on the cross. Jesus carried our guilt and our shame on the cross. Jesus carried it all. Get back to Jesus and the blood. Get back to the Father.
Regardless of what you’ve done or what you are doing, Father’s grace is more than enough. Father’s mercy is more than enough. Father’s compassion is more than enough. Father’s agapé love will bring you back from the plight of sexual addiction or any other type of addiction. Learn, grow, develop and accept His agapé love.
12. If you are a pastor or leader who is battling a sexual addiction, what is the #1priority of your life? It isn’t church growth or expansion, building repairs, developing your teaching schedule for the next twelve months, growing the youth ministry, feeding the homeless, fulfilling the church’s vision or praying for an awakening. The priority of your life should be getting free from the sexual addiction. Right now your personal wholeness is more important than all of these other things. Your recovery from a sexual addiction is something that you must do for you FIRST. You cannot minister to others if you are in bondage to a sexual addiction and bound by fear. You cannot minister to others if you are not sexually whole, pure and holy. Father’s grace is enough.
13. I need to add that some leaders who entered the ministry may have entered the ministry to combat their internal feelings and unmet emotional needs. While in ministry they learn that the ministry cannot, nor was it intended, to meet their unmet emotional needs. Those same unmet needs may be the root causes of their sexual addiction. After their recovery from the sexual addiction and having their previously unmet needs met some pastors may not return to the pastorate. Pastoring may not be the best place for them to serve the Body of Christ. This is something each pastor will need to discuss with Father. Father may have something else in store for their life. This may also be part of the reason why so many pastors are leaving the pastorate; they may have been serving in the wrong place (for them) at the wrong time for the wrong reasons and they were miserable. Some pastors/leaders may better serve the Body by shifting into other areas of ministry. That doesn’t make them a failure. They may have been simply misplaced and out of sync with Father’s plan.
14. If you are battling a sexual addiction while attempting to serve as a pastor or leader, you are not happy. For many pastors, ministers and leaders, you are at a major crossroad. Do you continue as you have been or do you make some major quality decisions which will result in a better quality of life for you? Life is too
short to be miserable. If what you are attempting to do just isn’t working any more, talk with a trusted real friend who will be honest with you. LISTEN to their input. If you need help, please get some help. If you want help, reach out for help. You can make better quality decisions so you can enjoy a better quality of life.
15. As ministers we are told that everyone else’s needs should come before our own. This is true but if sexual sin or sex addiction is involved different “rules” apply. Now is the time for you to focus on you so you can get the help that you need so you can be healthy and whole. Unhealthy, fragile Eagles can’t soar and fly high. And, Father will not increase the anointings in/on someone who is sexually impure and spiritually unholy.
How do you recover from a sexual addiction? Bottom line: through the power of agapé love. Father’s agapé love can fix anything and restore anyone. Father’s agapé love will plug the holes in our soul which causes sexual addiction. Father’s agapé love will fulfill all of our deep-seated emotional needs we didn’t receive and heal all of the deep-seated emotional wounds we did receive. Father’s agapé love never fails. [That’s how I got delivered, through the power of agapé love. More details regarding that in the next sharing.]
We may be wounded and broken in parts of our life but we are not defeated. Why? Agapé love never fails. What the enemy thought was a knock-out punch will not work. The enemy doesn’t have any knock-out punches but he doesn’t know that. Why? Agapé love never fails. Brokenness, woundedness, shame, guilt, abandonment, fear, persecution, pain, insecurities, rejection… these things cannot move us and these things cannot stop us. We are more than conquerors in all things through Christ who loves us. 2 Corin. 4:1-18.
If you are battling a sexual addiction, hold on! It is only a temporary set-back. This too you shall overcome. Hold on, baby! Father is faithful. Jesus loves you. The blood is still working. And, agapé love never fails.
Trust Agapé Love. Confront, deal with and overcome the sexual addiction. Then you will be pure and holy. Develop in agapé love and renew your mind. Then you will have stronger character development. Build up your faith. Then you will have the strength, the character and the anointing to tackle ministry issues. Take communion often; it works. Through it all we are here for you and we believe in you. Agapé love never fails.
Resources:
[I highly recommend these DVD series for all pastors/leaders and lay counselors.]
(1) DVD training series: Treating Sexual Addiction, a Biblical Counseling Certificate Program. Training on the causes, the effects and how to overcome sexual addiction. 8 DVDs, 15 lessons. American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC). 1-800-526-8673 or www.aacc.net.
(2) DVD training series: Healthy Sexuality: A Biblical Perspective on Love, Intimacy & Healing. A Biblical Counseling Certificate Program; 5 units, 15 DVDs, 30 lessons. Light University, Center for Professional Development and Continuing Education, a subdivision of the American Association of Christian Counselors
(AACC). 1-800-526-8673, www.lightuniversity.com or www.aacc.net.
[Understanding, compassion, forgiveness, grace, comfort, mercy, tenderness, gentleness and unconditional agapé love.
Spoken by the Father, Monday, June 14, 2010
Completed Wednesday, June 16, 2010
All we have is each other. And, agapé love never fails.]
Transcribed by Janet Henderso
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